Bullying or Conflict?

• Jill Rockwell
• Oct 15 2018

• Positive Classroom Management

Several years ago, I found myself (a special education teacher) in a meeting involving the principal, the director of special education, the school psychologist, a second-grade teacher, two concerned parents, and even the district superintendent.

A second-grade student on my special education caseload reported to his parents that he was “bullied” by another student in his classroom. This was a time when bullying seemed to be a major focus of the media, and my school district took all bullying allegations very seriously.

According to stopbullying.gov, bullying is: unwanted, aggressive behavior among school-aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time.

Bullying is not the same as conflict. Pacer Center’s Kids Against Bullying breaks down the difference:

• Conflict is a disagreement or argument in which both sides express their views.
• Bullying is negative behavior directed by someone exerting power and control over another person.

After a thorough investigation, it turned out my student was not being bullied after all. Rather, the behavior demonstrated between my student and the alleged “bully” was determined to be a conflict between two classmates.

I was relieved that my student was not being bullied, but I knew I was not off the hook. I needed to do a better job of teaching my student what bullying is and what bullying is not. I also needed to do a better job of teaching him how to handle conflict and bullying situations, including asking for help at school.

Together with my student’s parents and the rest of his Individual Education Plan (IEP) team, we developed and implemented a plan to check-in with the student on a scheduled basis and provided him with direct instruction and support with conflict resolution and social skills.

Provided below are links to free, online resources that I rely on to teach students about conflict and bullying:

• Pacer Center’s Kids Against Bullying provides this video, Bullying and Conflict – What’s the Difference?
• Check out this kid-friendly Bullying 101 Handout which helps give elementary students a good understanding of what bullying entails;  addresses the difference between telling and tattling; and provides guidance for everyone involved– the bully, the victim, and the witness.
• Similar to the one above, this Bullying 101 Handout is designed with middle school and high school students in mind.
• Conflict (and even bullying) can arise from disagreements. Kid President provides six steps on how to respectfully disagree with people in this entertaining video.
• Present students with real-life scenarios and discuss whether they involve conflict or bullying. Here is a document with examples from the Wisconsin DPI (scroll down to the Conflict vs Bullying Scenarios).
• Use this Four-Step Problem-Solving Model to provide guidance with resolving conflict (designed for students in grades 3-5).

Bullying is indeed a problem that needs to be taken seriously, and sometimes conflict behaviors can cross the line to bullying. Whether it’s conflict or bullying, students need to know what to do when they find themselves in challenging situations. It is our responsibility, as educators, to provide students with safe learning environments where they will be heard and supported.

Are you concerned about bullying behaviors in your school? Learn more about how to identify and prevent bullying behaviors, as well as how to intervene when bullying occurs by enrolling in our course:

Bullying and Cyberbullying: An Educator’s Toolbox for Prevention and Intervention

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